Thursday, June 7, 2012

A Siren's Tears - a flash fiction story for the Forbidden Love blog hop

This is written for the Forbidden Love Blog Hop. This flash fiction challenge is stated as:

The phrase 'star-crossed lovers' was coined in the prologue of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet:
"From forth the fatal loins of these two foes,
A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life"
We're leaving the term open to interpretation.
You can put your own spin on a classic story
Create a modern retelling
Craft your very own modern star-crossed lovers.
Plus, you can close your story with any ending you like. Give your lovers a set of matching tombstones or a running chance at Happily Ever After. Their fate is in your hands!

It has to be 300 words or less.

brunette mermaid

The Siren’s Tears

295 words

Princess Lenora often ventured near the ocean’s surface, rescuing sea creatures from fishing nets. One day fate intervened by placing him in her path. She had been tearing a fishing net apart, freeing the fish that were caught, when the net started rising to the surface.
She followed, completing her rescue just as she crested the surface of the ocean and that’s when she saw him.  He was one of the fishermen. His skin was bronzed from the sun and he had dark hair that fell loosely across his face, framing his warm brown eyes.
He didn’t move or call to the others, though, by the way he was staring, it was clear he could see her. She felt a strange warmth enter her heart and felt almost as if her heart would burst with the sudden feelings that filled it for this man before her.
She knew they were meant to be together, and, before she could even think about what she was doing, she began to sing. It was one of the old songs, one that had never been taught to her but had come to her now instinctually.
Unable to resist her charmed singing, her beautiful man climbed overboard, leaping from his tiny fishing vessel and into the water. She took him in her arms and, grabbing his hand, she led him below the surface. After a short while, she felt his grip in her hand go slack. She stopped swimming and turned to him.
His eyes stared unseeing into the distance. His breath had stopped moments ago and his heart had stopped beating along with it. Princess Lenora wept in sorrow at the loss of her love, and as her heart broke into pieces, she joined him in his watery death.


myvitreoushumour said...

Nice one, Rebecca! Very well written and a great line to end on: "she joined him in his watery death."

Reminds me of Song to Siren by TIm Buckley, and that should definitely be taken as a compliment!

Lillie McFerrin said...

Nicely done!! Thank you for entering the hop :)

Bullish said...

Oh, this is beautiful and I had to dry my eyes before I could comment! Terrific job in drawing the reader in and plucking their heartstrings! Thank you so much for entering the hop!! :)

Anonymous said...

This is beautifully written. Very well done with pulling it all together. Keep up the great work!

Meg McNulty said...

Oh no! I had a feeling it might end like this... you did a great job of taking your reader up to a point of hope and then crashing down to despair and oblivion. Nicely done!

Becky Fyfe said...

Thanks to everyone for such lovely comments! It makes it so much more worthwhile to write for these flash fiction competitions!

Unknown said...

Oh noooo! I don't know why I'm surprised; a Siren's song never bodes well but how sad!!!!The last line just get's you and I can't stop thinking about it and those poor souls! I'm very sad now. xxx

Lisa Shambrook said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lisa Shambrook said...

Her innocence was so heartbreaking! Lovely piece!

Janelle said...

Noooooo! What a sad ending, but overall the piece was just beautiful! As I was reading I wondered whether she was evil and was plotting all along to pull him under, in a Circe-type fashion. The fact that she was purely in love and innocent all along made it even sadder.
Thanks for entering!

Unknown said...

Congratulations on your win. I loved your take on the Forbidden love prompt. xxx