I just joined the Insecure Writer's Support Group hosted by Alex J. Cavanaugh for the first time. The purpose of the IWSG is:
"to share and encourage. Writers can express doubts and concerns without fear of appearing foolish or weak. Those who have been through the fire can offer assistance and guidance. It’s a safe haven for insecure writers of all kinds!"I think a monthly post about my doubts and fears might be helpful to me. After all, it is my fear of my writing not being good enough that kept me from pursuing my dream of being a writer for many years. Most of my life was spent wanting to be a writer but being afraid to try, afraid I didn't have enough talent.
I've realized, over time, that most writers don't have the talent to write something superb with their first drafts. It takes a lot of time and effort and revision to get the words just right. My problem is twofold. I worry that my writing won't be good enough even if I revise and edit a million times, and I worry that I am too lazy to actually do all of the revision and editing that my novel needs. Yes, I said that I am scared of being too lazy.
I know, it sounds strange. Surely laziness is a choice and something I have complete control over, right? Ah, but therein lies the true problem; any act of laziness in regards to my writing is truly an act of fear. If I'm too lazy to do the work, then it's not that my writing isn't good enough, it's that I am not good enough. I'd rather be lazy than a bad writer. I didn't say the rationale was a good one, just one of those crazy subconscious things I've been trying hard to recognize within myself so that I can circumvent it or ignore it.
I've recently finished National Novel Writing Month, and this time, I wrote a full manuscript, all 100,169 words of my urban fantasy/paranormal romance story. It's very rough and probably not very good. But I love the story. And I hate the idea of reading through it again and possibly finding out I hate the writing when I read it through for the edits. I want to continue to love my story, and I want anyone who reads it for critique to love it too. I know that the whole point of a critique is to help me improve the story, but I worry that they will read it through and think "she shouldn't even bother with it because it's too poorly written to save."
I guess I just wish I was one of those rare people who can write a masterpiece,a well-written and immediately gripping story, on my first write-through. But I'm not one of those people, so I just have to bite the bullet and put my work out there for others to see. Eventually. After I've had time to edit. And edit some more. And more...