Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Insecure Writer's Support Group Post #IWSG - December 2012


I just joined the Insecure Writer's Support Group hosted by Alex J. Cavanaugh for the first time. The purpose of the IWSG is:

 "to share and encourage. Writers can express doubts and concerns without fear of appearing foolish or weak. Those who have been through the fire can offer assistance and guidance. It’s a safe haven for insecure writers of all kinds!"
I think a monthly post about my doubts and fears might be helpful to me. After all, it is my fear of my writing not being good enough that kept me from pursuing my dream of being a writer for many years. Most of my life was spent wanting to be a writer but being afraid to try, afraid I didn't have enough talent.

I've realized, over time, that most writers don't have the talent to write something superb with their first drafts. It takes a lot of time and effort and revision to get the words just right. My problem is twofold. I worry that my writing won't be good enough even if I revise and edit a million times, and I worry that I am too lazy to actually do all of the revision and editing that my novel needs. Yes, I said that I am scared of being too lazy.

I know, it sounds strange. Surely laziness is a choice and something I have complete control over, right? Ah, but therein lies the true problem; any act of laziness in regards to my writing is truly an act of fear. If I'm too lazy to do the work, then it's not that my writing isn't good enough, it's that I am not good enough. I'd rather be lazy than a bad writer. I didn't say the rationale was a good one, just one of those crazy subconscious things I've been trying hard to recognize within myself so that I can circumvent it or ignore it.

I've recently finished National Novel Writing Month, and this time, I wrote a full manuscript, all 100,169 words of my urban fantasy/paranormal romance story. It's very rough and probably not very good. But I love the story. And I hate the idea of reading through it again and possibly finding out I hate the writing when I read it through for the edits. I want to continue to love my story, and I want anyone who reads it for critique to love it too. I know that the whole point of a critique is to help me improve the story, but I worry that they will read it through and think "she shouldn't even bother with it because it's too poorly written to save."

I guess I just wish I was one of those rare people who can write a masterpiece,a well-written and immediately gripping story, on my first write-through. But I'm not one of those people, so I just have to bite the bullet and put my work out there for others to see. Eventually. After I've had time to edit. And edit some more. And more...


9 comments:

Tonja said...

I don't think it's a matter of laziness. The question is if you are determined enough. I bet you are.

moonduster said...

Tonja - I am definitely determined enough now. I used to be too afraid to put myself and my writing out there; then I lost over 145 lbs of excess weight and realized that I can achieve my dreams through hard work.

Ink in the Book said...

I'm sure no writer ever achieves perfection with the first draft. And if you are anything like me, it's really not being lazy, it being perfect. I want what I write to be perfect and I'll fuss and fume over every word, every sentence, every paragraph, and every page. Some accuse me of procrastination. Nope. Just being picky.

Hope your day is amazing!
I did NaNo, too. I *almost* won. I was only a couple of hundred words from 50,000.

L.G. Keltner said...

Welcome to the group! I have the same concerns about not being good enough or not being able to push past the urge to procrastinate. Being a part of this writing community definitely helps!

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

I would say you're a long way from laziness. Go for it.

Shannon Lawrence said...

That makes a lot of sense. I also tend to procrastinate, and I have the same fears. I never linked the two up. Congrats on finishing NaNo!

Shannon at The Warrior Muse

Shell Flower said...

I love this: "I guess I just wish I was one of those rare people who can write a masterpiece,a well-written and immediately gripping story, on my first write-through." Girl, I totally know what you mean. It's hard, but your work will be better for having been read by others and polished into something closer to what you actually imagined. Editing is tough, and it can be heartbreaking, but your work gets better for it and that makes it worth it. Good luck!

Doreen McGettigan said...

Congratulations on finishing nano, such an accomplishment! Welcome to our little group...
I was so afraid to put my writing out there until something happened I just had to write about and that story became my first book. Keep believing and keep writing!!

michelle said...

Welcome to IWSG.
If you can write 100 000 odd words during one month, then I don't think that the problem is laziness.
Keep at it, you can only get better and better!